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The thought of going back to Taiwan without having the liver transplant operation done was very depressing to me. I tried to make myself feel better by saying "after all, I did go to the hospital to do the check-ups and the evaluations to see if I could be a suitable donor." The catch is that, they still need to do the CT and MRI to see the structures of my liver blood vessels and the gallbladder vessels. I had to cancel it because I might risk doing it again when I come back to Taiwan, who knows when, then I would have to double pay another 30K NTD. There are a lot of things going on in my mind right now. I feel lonely, and helpless and guess what's the worse part? I can't even stand being with my dad, how can I donate my liver to him if I am so disgusted by him? Imagine part of me would live inside his body for the rest of his life! I can't stand the fact that he talks crap all the time. I can't stand his habits especially the unhygienic ones.  I can't stand the fact that I try to lose weight by running 10K everyday and eating minimum amount of food and I have spent lots of money paying medical bills and help him find a new place, yet he would not even want to bother to try quitting smoking. I can't stand the fact that I have been praying to God like desperate pretty much all the time, and the first thing he does when he wakes up is to have a cigarette, and then turns on the TV to watch some news. I wonder in my mind: is it all worth it? Do I do this out of love or just for my ego? Do I really want to lengthen his life or I'm looking for the approval of other people?

I went to the hospital today and I got the refund of 30K. They reversed the transaction on my credit card. I came back to LK and made myself some KETO food.