021521

Been travelling for hours. I felt OK. I used to have this weird claustrophobic, stuffy ear feeling, hard to breath, and other problems. But this kind, I felt totally fine. I tried to stay hygienic though to cover all the bases, after all we were still in Covid. This time I did not bother to watch movies or listen to podcast. I just wanted to be quite, to think, to meditate on the purposes of God in my life and to make sense of everything. Sometimes I would look outside of the window, I wanted to catch a glimpse of dawn, maybe somewhere in the Caribbean, Cuba perhaps. 

The plane finally hovered over the Isthmus. Candy bits of ships were sprinkled on top of the blue cake. O Panama! Do I call you my home or my hostel? My Mother or a stingy aunt? I have been living in this country since I was 13 years old, yet I am seen by many as a foreigner and treated as one. Now that my father is in TW and needs to have a liver transplant and the medical/financial support from the TW government, I have more reasons to believe that being a Taiwanese is something to be proud of. With all these years of paying taxes, expensive high taxes for Her, all these years of investment in education and spending for her economy, I can't help but to selfishly ask: what have you given me in return? Can Seguro Social help me to pay the medical bills? Again, I am a selfish person. I am not like Jesus, I mean, who is? How can I deny my natural humanity, as a living thing that is trying to survive? It's like, OK I understand Jesus died for sinners on the cross so they could be saved. Totally awesome. But hey, don't expect me to be that sacrificial and altruistic! Hello, Jesus is God, I am not! If I pay tax I want to get something. Something useful, something that can save a life.